A Moment for A Kenyan in June 2024

We had a moment of silence during our Conveyancing class today and this made me actually feel the week, and the whole half an year, feel the bubble I've been in.

It's been quite draining and triggering thinking about the whole week amongst my own needs. How do I relate to all this, all the information, coming to terms with the lack of empathy of our elected, the lack of accountability with the appointed, the loss of lives of the brave, the cries of the wounded in soul, mind and body, and on and on.

That moment was unexpected but actually, made me relate myself to the whole week, to the cause and what the #RejectFinanceBill2024 fight is for.

For me and at first, was just following the multitude of the learned & more humane (who should not stop whistle-blowing, breaking down the law and giving infographics), then it actually made second sense, that it takes a lot of unreleased farts -if I may say- to just do nothing: physically picket, online sharing, financial backing, tune into news, or just that a moment of silence with a bunch of guys or better all and moreover, prayers.

The instability is mind-boggling, literally and metaphorically... and being a Christian in all this, it is well that the just live by faith but faith without action is truly dead. Let's not be of bad faith- selah.

SET APART

Hey Mr Mystery Man,

How could I know all about you

And again know nothing.

How could I not want to speak to you

And again want to hear your voice.


Hey - you over there,

How could you be such a mystery

When I share the same pillow with you.

How could you be such a wonder

When I give you a daily massage.

How could you be -

And again I cannot get enough of you.

HOW TO LOVE

Dear God,

How hurt I feel -

How betrayed -

How could love be so conditional?

How could love hurt so badly?

Dear God,

Remove this spite from my thoughts

Remove this anger from my heart

Remove all negativity that drives -

Me from you.

Dear God,

How could I love like you

How could I turn a blind eye

How could love be unconditional

How could love be honest?

Dear God,

Remove the hurt - replace it with healing

Remove the pain - replace it with peace

Remove the borders - replace it with your word.

Dear God,

Do not depart me -

Just teach me how to love,

Amen.

Dear Lord... #1

Dear Lord,

I know I'm not worthy to come before you but nonetheless,

I know I have the authority to come before you -

Authority to tell you a few things -

That;

I love you. 
However, I am scared, scared of the things that you can do.
Scared of your power.

That;

I thank you and I can never feel as if I could thank you much.
Hence, I'm glad that you are not a man.
Man enough to ask, "...for what?"
So, I thank you, for everything - from the last I can remember to this moment (passing by).

That;

Jehovah,
Kindly forgive me.
I need you to forgive me and I write to you believing, trusting in you and your son.

Amen.

MY ALL-IN-ALL

Oh God,

How much of wonder you are,

A restorer - the all-in-all.

Oh God,

How much of love you are,

A giver - the one-stop-shop.

Oh God,

How much of strength you are,

A bouncer - the champ-beat-boxer.

Oh God,

How much of grace you have,

A sustainer - the all-in-all.

My all-in-all,

Thus, it's yes and amen.

💓

GRATEFUL AND TIRED

A long day of rest.

A long day of stories.

A long day of memories almost forgotten.

Tired with the sun.

Tired with the effort.

Tired with the planning of days ahead.

A long day of remembrance - 

Thank you God.

By your grace, Amen.

MY OATH TO A STRANGER II

(Flashback: MY OATH TO A STRANGER I)

Yes, my mind knew him

Oh, too well-

And my heart swore to team;

That an oath was taken

And kisses siphoned all fakin'.

And so...

I swear, by my nose;

That indeed-

Our love was pungent

Our visions like morning coffee

The sex-

Like the first light of another ciggie.

And...

I could swear, by my eyes;

That indeed-

Jealousy couldn't be less captured

That being blind was more of serenity.

My look-

Like a song fiercely communicated.

And...

I would swear, by my mouth;

That indeed-

Kisses were the unsaid words

And words, spoken, should be triple distilled.

Silence-

Like a double-edged sword.

So now mind knows;

That I know him,

All to well - to be no stranger.

MENDING PIECES III

How long will it take

How long will I shatter

How long will I lax

Atonement.

Take time wasted

Mend the broken glass

Tap ren still untouched

Expiation.

How long will it be

How long will I break

How long will I waste

Atonement.

Take what is

Mend the shattered dreams

Tap power within

Expiation.

MENDING PIECES II

I can't help it
And I can't loose myself

I can't save me
And I can't make myself

I can't look back
And I can't repeat myself

I can't do me
And I can't undo myself

I can't judge me
But I can make the future

I can't mend the pieces
But I can lose my insanity
Become half-full once again...

MENDING PIECES I

Im broken
Exposed
Innocence laying bare.

Im torn,
With no  face, no name
All in the name of giving meaning-
Meaning to  being woman-
Meaning to being friend.

Im lost,
With missing pieces,
All from being naive-
All from being young..

All I can ask is was the innocence really mine?
Was I once whole?

GOOD MUSIC II : Ignorance is not a Defence

Attention Please: 

This might be a lengthy read. 

Hope you can excuse me as it's the first post of the year.

When you have those random contemplating moments triggered by insomnia and  find it normal to turn to music, I do that a lot. Appreciating all genres and not being spiritual, I turned back to one of my favorite albums of time, The Cool by Lupe Fiasco. Making this post as "short" as it should be and being "religious" to my thoughts, you can continue reading if you are a "believer" to the fact music is poetry and hip-hop is music.

I was checking various annotations to one of the songs he did (well was actually singing along) and one guy, who goes by the name WhenAllLacesIntertwine (yes, I contemplated on that alias; you can follow him at genius.com) had his ten cents commenting. 

He annotates that:

"... This song is more of a metaphor of a virus and ignorance. Ignorance spreads everywhere like wildfire and no one really knows what goes on until it happens and even then, people don’t know what’s up. You can’t run from ignorance and everybody is somewhat ignorant. There is no way to escape from this reality. Some believe that there is no ignorance in the world while others believe there is too much of it. Some believe ignorance is bliss while others believe ignorance is chaotic. People begin to blame each other. The poor say the rich can cure ignorance while the rich believe the poor are the reason for ignorance. But in the end, everyone is sure it exists. Scientists think it’s only a state of mind while the kid believes he isn’t ignorant but girls are. Church leaders says ignorance is sin and kills the purity of the world while the bum believes everyone said it’s the whole world that’s ignorant..."

...

"... The ignorance has already spread at this point. We keep falling into a false sense of reality where everything is okay because everyone says its okay. You aren’t truly free until you think, much like Fredrick Douglass' case, where he believed someone is a man when they can use their head. Society and mass media has already defined our future and current roles in society and, due to our ignorance, we wouldn’t be able to tell. We are told certain things but we never question them. All we know is what to do and what not to do as opposed to why we should or shouldn’t do these things. Everything that happens plays a part into the build up and affect of this disease of ignorance. And nothing is ever the way it seems. Things are seen one way unless something enables the introduction of another thought. Scientists see the insanity of trying to understand ignorance within him. The little boy doesn’t know what happened to all the girls..."

End of Annotation

Well, I think I've spread his gospel and Lupe's too on Ignorance, I pray that we shun it and continue looking for such "gospel" in music (Good Music).  You can listen to the song- just had to place the best for last, Streets on Fire (contemplated on the title too):

P.S.  Ignorance is not a Defence!!!

CONTEMPLATING MOMENTS III: Appreciation

William James once pointed out that the deepest principle in human nature is the craving of being appreciated . I agree but setting all prejudices aside, I believe it all breaks down to being understood and at times compromising what you have to understand the other.

That constant craving

The itch on my back

The worst lie

A lie which is truth.

"The worst lie is truth misunderstood by those who hear it." - W.J.

That constant need

Me kneeling at the side,

The worst grief

A prayer not heard.

"The cause of human failure: a man not having faith in his true self."- W.J.

That constant thought

Me being out of reach

The worst dream

A force of no revelation.

"The art of being wise, is the art of knowing what to overlook."- W.J.

That constant hunger

All shores pulling me in

The best of me-

I'm not drowning

A hunger feed.

"Need and struggle are what excite and inspire us."- W.J.

SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF

As I popped
I felt my heart turn blue from the intoxication
As I cursed over and over
I watched myself senseless, intemperate.

As it took a toll
I felt relief
Not necessarily euphoric but-
A  smell of the the rain on concrete
and my synthetic pieces of flesh soak.

As my head took a spin
I felt the flow in my veins boil up,
Watched myself motionless-
Paranoid on the consequences but-
already immune, restrained.

As I paralyzed the soreness in my limbs
I felt more tensed but
Restrained my time,
Experienced relief,
I promised of my last and saved time itself.

As I wait to pop,
I remain paralyzed, immoderately but
Soothe from the curing waves of rhythm;
A touch of red in my heart.

MY LOVE; OUR LIFE

The little things

Just the little things...

The illusion of freedom

The control of chaos

The organised confusion

The kiss...

The little things

Just the little things...

The maintained sanity

The touch of love

The headlight in the tunnel

The thought...

The little things

Just the little things...

The rhythm to life...

IN HIS VOICE

I met a man

A man with a voice

A voice with life untold

A voice with scars that time only knew

Scars that time healed.

I met a man

Whose voice was music to my ears

Whose voice answered my worries

He met me each time by the bench

The place I'd go and hear the world.

In his voice
There was precedence

That, that need to be known
There was then

That, that gave faith
There was tomorrow
A life to be lived

A life with HIM

I met a man

A man with a voice

A voice with life

Life from around the world.

SOLITARY COMPANY

One... 

Two...

Three...

Breath!

A puff in

Breath!

A huff out

Breath!

For the chance to live...

One...

Two...

Three...

Run!

A puff in

Stop!

A huff out

Breath, no, Run!

To the ends of the earth...

One...

Two...

Three...

Answer!

A puff in

Cant you answer!

A huff out

Whats the question again...

The question is "What is Life? To be or not to be?"

 "Well I dont want to find myself I want to create me. Have I answered you?"

HANDSWORTH

I didn't know mere hands...
Delicate hands would touch me-
Awaken my heart
Kiss my soul
Suspend my mind...

That mere hands...
Would lock with mine-
Fill me with pleasure
Fill me with pain
Fill me with life...

That they would-
Grasp me like grains of sand
Not tightly though,
Just enough
Enough to not sift through the gaps.


I didn't know mere hands
Delicate hands would-
Exert so much pressure
Leave me to feel
Leave me to breath
Leave me to feel like breathing...

That mere hands-
Your delicate hands...
Would be so understanding...

#2: Sonnentanz (Sun Don't Shine ft. Will Heard)

Coming across this song ages ago...

Later on it cannot get out of my head and I've forgotten the name, artist etc and so I start to google all bits and words of what I think I heard...

Now it's on replay....

#JustAnotherLoveNote


LYRICS:
I've walked through the valleys of the wilderness in time,
only to find out that you have love in places I can't describe,
I need you, it's the sunrise

I just wanted to let you know,
I love you, don't ever let go,
cos the sun don't shine when you're not around mine,
singing I can never be without you,
without you

[Chorus:]
Cos the sun don't shine,
the sun don't shine,
yeah the sun don't shine,
the sun don't shine
without you, without you

Through all the space and time,
your love is mine,
but the sun don't shine,
the sun don't shine,
without you, without you

When I saw you rise the other day,
I felt my worries just seemed to melt away,
into you,yeah into you

I just wanted to let you know,
I love you, don't ever let go,
cos the sun don't shine when you're not around mine,
singing I can never be without you,
without you

[Chorus:]
Cos the sun don't shine,
the sun don't shine,
yeah the sun don't shine,
the sun don't shine
without you, without you

Through all the space and time,
your love is mine,
but the sun don't shine,
the sun don't shine,
without you, without you

JUST ANOTHER LOVE NOTE

Please lift me up when I fall,
Wipe my tears when they cant stop
Kiss my lips when they just cant shut
Call my name when I least expect it

Say a prayer when I think our God is far from close
Write me a letter so I can at least drag myself to the posta
Hug me when I just don't want you close
Call my name when I least expect it

Please take good care of yourself when I'm not around
Say a prayer when you cant even utter a word
Take you time when time is not enough
Look up and just say thank you for....
There is someone out there who values you when you least expect it...

STILLNESS ?

I am

No, I am not
But again-wait,
I am..

That that I wouldn't be
That that I shouldn't be
That that I can't be..

But again,
I am..

That what I feared to be
That what I hoped to be
That what they warned not to be..

But again
I am..

I, the morsel, the nugget

I, the fortress, the anchor

No,
I,
the sun, the rain

No!
I am not!
No, I am not..

But again,

I am,
Human,
Me,
but still not free...